


nothing more, nothing less

by squishychan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Friendship/Love, Homophobia, M/M, Slice of Life, Unplanned Pregnancy, chapter four has hints of physical/verbal/sexual abuse if you squint hard enough, dreams n stuff, flashbacks to everyone's childhood, it's complicated but it will all work out eventually, it's v small tho, jun doesn't have an ed just thought i would clarify, modern au i guess?, there's a lot of emotions and these boys struggle, um okay there's just a smudge of self-hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-05-09 15:46:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishychan/pseuds/squishychan
Summary: they're just four best friends who just so happen to be having a baby together.nothing more, nothing less—that's all there is to it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ‘96 line are just so !!!!  
> so naturally i just had to write for them
> 
> the tags are soft today, no angst (yet)  
> only vague shit will be implied (not touched upon, but blink and you'll miss it)  
> there is slight homophobia towards the end tho so read that part with caution

_Me and Soonyoung were born in the best month, which is June—when the flowers are in full bloom and the sun is shining. Our birthstone is the pearl, born from the sea, and in some sense, so were we. We're caring folks (the article's words), who are sensitive, inquisitive yet practical. I personally don't see myself as practical, but Soonyoung is. I'm sensitive, that I know for a fact, Mother having told me I was too childish, to soft for the harsh world that I inhabit. And Father always told me to man up, that boys don't cry, which is probably the reason for my warped concept of masculinity. Soonyoung is the same, feeling too intensely just as I do, though I know little about his childhood. Perhaps it mirrors mine?_

 

Jun sets down the magazine with a murmur of bliss, the cool air from the fan pleasantly comforting in the hotness of the stuffy room, Soonyoung sound asleep in the twin bed next to him, drooling slightly, face ruddy and hair tousled. Cheeks squished against his pillow.

 

_Jihoon was born in the month of November, making his birthstone citrine, which supposedly has good energy or something, don't fucking ask me. People born in this month are said to be understanding and empathetic, yet incredibly self-destructive too. They apparently love life, possessing a high intellect, a creative mind with golden tipped gears that are always spinning. I see the self-destructive part on Jihoon's behalf, but that clashes terribly with the love for life thing. Though he is incredibly smart in my eyes, much more so than me._

 

Looking down at the sleeping form of the younger currently cuddled against his chest, long eyelashes fluttering every so often. Lips pursed cutely, pouting even in sleep. 

 

_Wonwoo was born in the month of July, his birthstone is ruby and it's honestly nothing special, despite being considered the "king of gems". They are said to be sticklers for details and observe things with a very keen eye. They are also very good organizers and ethical in their approach to work. I can see every single one of these traits in him, but it also says that people born in this month are highly emotional just as me and Soonyoung are. I admittedly don't see that side of him very often, I'm actually able to count the times on just one hand alone. But it's there nonetheless._

 

Glancing at Wonwoo where he's sprawled out on the floor, his sleeping bag kicked off of him, nightshirt damp with sweat, glasses still on too. Jun watching as his chest rises and falls, his face serene, not subject to the daily stress of life.

 

_And then there's you. You're not born yet of course, so I can't really base these readings off of anything, but it's fun to do nevertheless. So let's see, you should be born in February, give or take a few weeks, which would make your future birthstone amethyst. And since I know absolutely nothing about it, I'm just gonna skip over that part—oh yeah, you could possibly be born on Valentine's Day! Which is cool I guess, anyways, those born in this month are said to be over sensitive, easily hurt by others. So you'll be just like me I guess, though that's not a bad thing. Or at least I think so anyway. It's said that those born in February are extremely frank, brutally honest at the best and worst times. That's a good trait in my eyes, but maybe not in others's eyes. It also says you're mysterious, which I actually find could be true, seeing as how it's one huge ass mystery as to who your other father is. Sorry, got off topic there._

 

Jun sighs deeply, clicking off the light of his lamp, placing his magazine down on the bedside table, mindful of koala Jihoon, whispering a goodnight to the already sleeping others, frowning at the sight of his still flat stomach.

 

_Goodnight to you too kid._

 

 

```

 

_"Junnie! Are you alright?!" Soonyoung screams, rushing over to Jun's hospital bed, Wonwoo and Jihoon trailing after him, hastily sending their apologies to the various nurses shooting them dirty glares._

 

_"I'm fine, I just had low blood sugar or something." Though he doesn't quite believe the excuse he'd made himself, chewing on his lower lip, avoiding eye contact with the other three males. The IV in his arm uncomfortable, hooked up to some fancy ass solution he can't name (though Wonwoo probably could however), proud that he only flipped out minimally when the nurses drew blood for the multiple tests they were planning to run._

 

_Seungcheol's weary face brightening considerably when he sees the Chinese born male's friends, standing up from the seat pushed up beside Jun's bed, offering them a weak smile. "Thank goodness you all came, I was getting worried. I was with Jun when he fainted, you see I sent him to go fetch some rose clippers when his knees gave out-"_

 

_"I'm fine hyung, it was nothing~" He childishly whines, not caring if he rudely interrupts the elder at this point, flushing under all the unwarranted concern, twiddling his fingers. "I just skipped breakfast and payed the consequences."_

 

_"Which proves that you are most definitely not fine." Wonwoo butts in, "And since when have you ever been subject to low blood sugar? I've known you for like forever, and you've never brought up such a concern, not even once."_

 

_Jun huffs in annoyance, since when the hell did Wonwoo suddenly become a walking Jun manual?_

_"And if it wasn't bad, then why are you stationed here?" Jihoon unhelpfully adds, Soonyoung nodding in agreement, all five looking up when they heard a rap on the door, the doctor entering with a bow of his head. A clipboard in hand, glasses glinting under the harsh fluorescent lighting, his name tag inscribed with something Jun was too lazy to bother with reading._

 

_"Wen Junhui?"_

_"That's me. What's my diagnosis?" He asks, shifting against the mountain of pillows he's propped up with, just wanting to be told so that he can get the fuck out of this place. As he's never having faired well with places of such medical variety._

_"Well, you see..."_

_```_

 

Jun jolts awake, the oh too familiar feeling of impending puking pooling in his gut, barely managing to shove Jihoon off of him, sprinting towards the shitty bathroom of their one bedroom apartment. The younger male whining, blearily peering at Jun through the harsh light spilling through the open door, somehow having propped himself up on his elbows despite his mind being muddled with sleep. 

 

"Junnie...?" His voice husky, slightly slurred too, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. Jihoon glancing over to Soonyoung—who's (thankfully) still sound asleep—mumbling gibberish into his pillow, limbs splayed out like a starfish.

 

Slowly climbing out of bed, praying to all that's holy that it doesn't choose to creak, mindful of Wonwoo—who's curled up form is right by his feet—softly padding over to where Jun is hunched over the toilet, rubbing his back soothingly, as it's the most he can do in terms of helping. Murmuring quietly as the sick splashes into the porcelain bowl, trying his very hardest not to crinkle his nose in disgust (even though the older can't see his expression—but it's the thought that counts).

 

Jun's shoulders shaking every which way as he retches, jerky moments that make Jihoon wince, because ouch, that didn't seem very fun. Heaving and heaving until nothing but bile came up, physically unable to bring up anything more, nothing but stomach acid remaining, turning to face Jihoon with glossy eyes, lips slick with saliva, the healthy glow he carried himself with gone, skin pale and pallid.

 

"Hey, hey don't cry," Jihoon able to pinpoint the exact moment his resolve shatters when the tears pour over, Jun's soft sniffles and broken hiccups piercing him like an arrow through the heart. Legs moving on their own as he helps Jun rise to a standing position, arm quick to wrap around Jun's waist when his knees wobble, gingerly guiding him over to the sink. Ignoring the way his fingers tremble when he squeezes the minty toothpaste onto Jun's toothbrush, handing it to older with a weak smile, just happy to get one back in return.

 

The two standing in silence as Jun spits and rinses, the tap water washing away the foamy blue sludge left behind, Jihoon briefly wondering if Jun wished their current situation could be swept away too, muddy slosh spiraling down the drain with a flick of the wrist.

 

"You okay now?" He asks when Jun places his toothbrush back in its spot next to the other three, washing his hands and splashing water on his face in an attempt to feel less gross.

 

Jun shrugs, but offers Jihoon a small smile. "I guess." Drying his hands on the towel from the towel rack, grabbing Jihoon's hand after doing so. "C'mon, let's go back to sleep."

 

```

 

_"—the fetus is still young however, so termination is presently available. But I suppose it's a lot to take in right now, so you can think about that later if you need to. Any questions?" The doctor looking expectantly at the five young males, excusing himself with the notion of stopping by later when he takes their silence as a no. Seungcheol following not long after him, saying it wasn't his place to be there anyway, that this just wasn't any of his business._

 

_Soonyoung being the first to break to silence, clearing his throat unsurely. "Umm...wow, uh I didn't expect that." Jun wondering if that was a play on words or if he was simply delirious from shock, ultimately deciding that it was probably the latter of the two._

 

_"Is saying congrats appropriate in this situation?" Wonwoo halfheartedly jokes, and Jun is so incredibly thankful for it (for once in his life), but Jihoon just looks pissed, his jaw set firmly in place, eyes darkened. Arms crossed, chin up._

_"W-when is it ever?" Jun feebly croaks in reply, his voice a pitch higher, trembling too. And oh goddamnit, he's tearing up like the fucking crybaby he is. Burying his face in his hands as tears slip down his cheeks, vaguely aware of the bodies causing the bed to dip in, all three of his friends gathered around him as he cries pitifully. Someone petting his hair soothingly, while another person croons something he can't quite make out through the blood roaring in his ears, a hand reassuringly patting his thigh every so often._

 

_Which actually only succeeds in making Jun cry harder, because the sheer amount of kindness was just too overwhelming for his touch starved self. (He says touch starved because a fuck was a fuck, it held absolutely no love whatsoever behind it. But of course he so foolishly developed feelings for the three, despite their rules of none, the strict barriers seemingly working for them. But then again, he was simply too hard to love anyway, a needy and pathetic little thing. Reminding himself daily that they were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.)_

 

```

 

"Junnie, it's time to wake up," Soonyoung softly says, gently rousing the older with pats to his cheeks, giggling when Jun's face scrunches in displeasure, swatting his hand away with a groan. Jun rolling out of bed, careful not to move too quickly, not wanting to get dizzy and pass out again. Happy to find that his stomach remained relatively calm, no awful churning or anything, just intense hunger. Blushing red when it grumbles loudly, Soonyoung's eyes twinkling with mirth, curved into the half moons Jun had always found so cute.

"Sounds like you two are hungry~" He singsongs, smile slipping when he sees how Jun's face falls for the briefest of seconds, not noticeable unless you were to know Jun personally, his little quirks and peculiarities fairly easy to pick up on once you did. Like the way he'd eat only sweet tasting foods when he was sad, or how he'd pick at the moles above his upper lip when he was angry.

 

"Sorry, my bad," Soonyoung mumbles, the apology hanging heavy in the air, like a hairball the cat hacked up, grimy and tangled, no one wanting to be the one to clean it up.

 

"It's fine, you didn't do anything wrong," _(it's my fault, not yours)_ Jun tactfully replies, hoping that Soonyoung wouldn't pick up on the hesitancy lingering in his tone, pulling the younger's hand into his as he gets up, pretending that he doesn't notice just how sweaty Soonyoung's palms are. Knowing full well just how embarrassed he could get, the two walking in silence as they head to the kitchen, their minds racing with unwanted thoughts.

Jun vaguely wonders if it's just as torturous for Soonyoung as it is for him.

 

```

 

_The four sit around a table laden with Chinese takeout boxes, chopsticks shoving spoonful after spoonful of plain, white rice into their mouths. The mood gloomy, no one able to make eye contact, their food tasteless from nerves._

 

_It's Jihoon who breaks the silence this time around, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve before just blurting out seemingly randomly (though they all know that isn't the case, as Jihoon always took great care (Jun would even go as far to say immaculate precision) in choosing his words)._

 

_"We're gonna have to start talking eventually, and I say it's best to do so before the kid pops out." He doesn't sound angry, but the words still sting Jun's heart. This was probably just another burden for Jihoon, another pop up error on a tablet, a glitch in the system._

 

_"That's if and only if Jun plans on keeping it." Wonwoo adds, and Jun just knows he doesn't want the baby with the way he's speaking (but then again, his assumptions were always incorrect with Wonwoo, so maybe not)._

 

_Jun fidgeting in his seat when said male turns to face him, the pensive look on his face unnerving to say the least, as if wanting the correct answer and only that._

 

_"Well do you?"_

 

_And all he can do is stupidly shrug, because he doesn't fucking know. He doesn't know if he wants to be the father of a child that could possibly have Soonyoung's eyes, or Jihoon's scowl, or even Wonwoo's nose scrunch when he was truly happy. His brain hurts just thinking about it all, the thought of raising a baby with the awkward support of your good friend who you just so happened to fuck one summer night. The fact that they were all 100% sober not at all helping his case, for once unable to blame it on alcohol._

 

_"I don't know."_

 

```

 

"I got you some prenatal vitamins, you know, so the baby develops properly and stuff," Wonwoo shyly tells Jun when they're washing the dishes after breakfast, Jun stopping his intense scrubbing of the plate he's holding. The sponge bubbly, the rough side clinging onto pieces of some sort of gray slime.

 

"Oh, uh thanks," He mutters in response, mentally kicking himself for being so standoffish, all of their conversations mostly consisting of yes or no answers, skirting around  _that_ big ass bump in the road, briefly musing over the fact that they're probably going to ride out the whole entire fucking nine months like so. Only then when they have an infant in their arms deciding to talk shit out like well-adjusted, fully-functioning adults, the contributing members of society that they fucking are.

 

"No problem, it's only the right thing to do after all. You know, since you're potentially carrying my kid and all."

 

Ah, there's the catch that he knew that was coming—one that makes Jun want to cry or scream out of frustration (yes, he knows he's a brat), both if he's being honest here. No way in hell did Wonwoo actually care for  _him_ , no, just the baby that Jun's carrying inside him that could _possibly_ be his. Jun briefly considers not taking the chalky horse pills out of pure spite, but that's stooping really low, even for him.

 

"Yeah, I get it." His voice sounding foreign even to himself, all hollow and empty, wishing he could go back in time to tell his past self that bottoming was a major no go.

 

"Great."

 

```

 

_"I mean it could be worse," Jeonghan casually comments, "You could be dying or something." His hair falling in his face, currently upside down and hanging off of the couch, Jun wondering how the fuck he hadn't passed out from all the blood rushing towards his head. The older twiddling with a popsicle stick, some of the sugary syrup having dripped off onto his tank top, bursts of orange blooming out against snow white._

 

_Jun whines at that. "Okay first of all no, just...no. I'm literally the worst candidate to be handed impending parenthood, I don't know jack shit about babies. Second of all, I don't know who the fuck this kid's other father is." Surprisingly enough, it doesn't sound so scandalous admitting it out loud._

 

_"So?" Is all Jeonghan replies with, along with a roll of his eyes._

 

_"God you're insufferable!"_

```

 

"Are you gonna tell your parents?" Soonyoung wonders aloud, his head resting on Jihoon's lap, while Wonwoo's head is placed upon his belly, Jun scooted off to the side, willing himself not to puke at the smell of Soonyoung's cologne. Swallowing his nausea down in big gulps.

 

Jun looks up from his phone, nose wrinkled in obvious discomfort. "No? I don't fucking know," Running a hand through his damp locks (the fucking AC still wasn't fixed), blatantly ignoring the way Wonwoo's brow arches in what must be surprise.

 

"Why not? Wouldn't they be exited about being grandparents?"

 

Jun honest to god finds that laughable. His parents—his _homophobic_ parents—being happy to know that their failure of a son was expecting a bastard child? Let alone the fact that he didn't fucking know who the kid's other father was, having slept with his three best friends just for "fun". The whole being a college dropout really not helping either.

 

"Fuck no," He snorts, but his tone comes off sad rather than the air of indifference he was aiming for, "The only way they'd be happy for a grandchild would be if I was financially stable, were in my early thirties, and was married to a lovely girl of their choice. But here I am, a pitiful fucking faggot who got knocked up by one of his three best friends." That last part coming off way harsher than he intended, wincing when he sees Soonyoung look down, probably ashamed if he had to guess. But whatever, it wasn't Jun's concern.

 

"Oh, sorry," Soonyoung murmurs, and it kinda actually hurts to see him so despondent. But once again Jun reminds himself that it isn't _his_ problem. Because after all, they were just friends. _Nothing more, nothing less._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have more to write and school is officially out so why not  
> this chapter: love is difficult and jun just isn't having it—among other shit (ft. hao)
> 
> tbh this is kinda a filler chapter? idk i just feel like it sets up the future chapters  
> anyways, there's some internalized homophobia here (it's in a flashback) so if that bothers you pls skip it

"Ow ow ow ow _ow_ ," Jun quietly hisses through clenched teeth, the cramps based along his lower waist peaking to their worst, trying his very hardest not to bend over (he just didn't know if it could harm the baby or not—and no, he _isn't_ developing some sort of attachment to the thing), but hey, at least he didn't feel nauseous (yet). The grilled cheese sandwich (fucking Wonwoo having cleared out all the fucking deli meats in the fridge upon the news of Jun's pregnancy) he was in the process of making abandoned on the countertop.

 

"Junnie? Are you okay?" Jihoon asks, looking up from the psychology textbook he was reading, glancing over at the older with worried eyes. Wonwoo and Soonyoung out for the day, using the only free time they had to run errands—buying more of the almond milk tea that Jun loved at the grocery store, picking up the refill of Jihoon's meds at the pharmacy, stopping by the local animal shelter to pet _every_ single cat and dog they had—you know, the usual.

 

"Yep, just peachy." Not at all meaning to snap, but he really didn't have the energy to keep up his facade today—the fact that he literally woke up thirty minutes ago not helping either, still grumpy from being so rudely awoken by the sound of their neighbors across the hall having a heated argument. Whimpering when the pain in his stomach worsened, hand flying to his belly, cursing whatever god was out there for making him be the one to fall pregnant, bangs falling in his eyes.

 

"That doesn't sound good Jun-" Jihoon starts, only for Chinese male to cut him off with a bark, knocking the knife he used to cut the bread with onto the floor, the sharp clattering sound making Jihoon wince.

 

"I said I'm fucking fine! Get off my case and leave me alone!" His voice shrill, fists trembling at his sides.

 

"I'm supposed to worry you ass,!" Jihoon retorts, the  _"because I love you!"_ part left off, ticked off expression immediately morphing into one of remorse when he sees Jun's eyes start to water, mentally kicking himself for raising his voice when he knew that the taller was sensitive to such. The older storming off in a huff, the door to their bedroom slamming shut, rattling the multiple pictures adorning the walls.

 

Jihoon sighs and turns back to his book, the page flipped opened to a detailed explanation of a Freudian slip glaring up at him, almost as if it were mocking him in a way he was completely oblivious to, yet was all seeing to just the same.

 

_"—that  is thought to reveal a person's unconscious motives, wishes, or at-"_

 

He promptly decides that that's enough studying for today.

 

```

 

Wonwoo and Soonyoung return home an hour or so later, their hands full of brown paper bags, Wonwoo's sweater covered in cat fur, and Jihoon really hopes that those aren't feathers stuck in Soonyoung's hair. Jun finally creeping out of their room, his eyes puffy, cheeks stained with dried tear tracks. Dodging Soonyoung's attempt at hugging him, not catching the look Wonwoo shoots Jihoon. Busying himself in unpacking the groceries, working swiftly to sort out the items that would spoil faster than the others.

 

Retreating back to the bedroom once he was done, a cup of mango flavored pudding in hand, shutting Wonwoo up with a glare when he made a comment about it not being the most healthy thing to eat. Leaving the other three just standing there, unsure if going to check on Jun would be the right thing to do, not knowing if it would only make his mood worse or not.

 

Soonyoung springing back to the present day with a yelp, quick to put the lemon sorbet that they'd specifically bought for Jun into the freezer. Wonwoo and Jihoon following suit, the whole awkwardness of the ordeal still hanging heavy in the air, reminding Wonwoo of the thick, sugary syrup he'd pour over his pancakes that his grandmother made him when he would stay with her on the weekends as a young child.

 

Jihoon heading out when they finished, making up some lame excuse of needing to buy more cigarettes, even though he'd quit as soon as he found out Jun was pregnant. Soonyoung grabbing his laptop and plopping himself down at the table, figuring that putting off his environmental science essay any longer wasn't wise, checking his phone every so often, no doubt hoping for Jun to text him and invite him back into bed. Wonwoo curling up on the couch, taking a nap to quiet those terribly intrusive thoughts for just a while, simply too fed up to deal with them today.

 

_ We say that we're fine, that nothing is wrong. But maybe that's exactly where our fault lies..._

 

```

 

 

_"Do you believe in love Hao?" Jun asks, feet dangling off the fishing dock, pulling his sweater closer around his shivering frame, Minghao beside, loudly smacking his bubblegum, the night stars twinkling above them._  


 

_"Nah," Is the reply Jun gets, along with a soft pop and Minghao's cursing, thumb rubbing the sticky pink goo off his face._

 

_"Why?" Always having been the one to ask question after question, perhaps to the point of annoyance even._

 

_"I dunno Junnie. I just never have and I probably never will," Flicking the gum into the murky water, grinning under the moonlight when a fish comes up and swallows it._

 

_"Oh," Jun to embarrassed to admit that he himself was a firm believer of love, having spent his childhood watching cheesy (but romantic) chick flicks with his mother, the seed of such fantasies being planted when he was still susceptible to such, when his dreams of meeting fairies and unicorns still hadn't been crushed under his father's fist._

 

_"But who knows, maybe I'll still find love anyway." Minghao continues with a shrug, reaching into his pocket for another piece of gum, offering one to Jun, who declines with a shake of his head._

 

_"Yeah, maybe," Jun echoes, though he was mostly talking to himself rather than the younger boy._

 

```

 

Jun wakes up to an empty bed, the indent where Jihoon once was still warm, the scent of the smaller's strawberry shampoo clinging to the pillow too.

 

Staring up at the ceiling, counting all the little cracks and crevices it bore, fingers tracing shaky outlines. Closing his eyes as he listened to the sound of rain pattering against the windows, the noise comforting to him. Remaining like that until his stomach decided to protest, sending him sprinting for the toilet, heaving violently until his organs can no longer bring themselves to puke up much of anything else besides watery spittle, flushing the mess away with quivering hands.

 

Hopping into the shower immediately afterwards, wanting nothing more than for the warm water to wash away the grossness he was currently feeling, being sure to grab his toothbrush (already laden with a hefty dollop of minty toothpaste) as he did so. Scrambling away to the corner of the shower when ice cold water hit him full force, cursing the fact that the stupid hunk of metal took at least a solid five minutes to warm up. Leaving him standing there ass naked while he waited for it to do so.

 

Not wasting any time in washing up when it was ready, not quite sure of how long the hot water would last. Scrubbing himself down with a loofah (despite Wonwoo having voicing just how dirty those actually were) coated in honeysuckle body wash, the soap suds swirling down the drain oddly captivating to Jun. Deciding to only condition today, as he could feel the water gradually losing its warmth, fingers gently massaging his scalp.

 

The air cold as he wrapped a towel around himself, being sure to be gentle and not tie it too tightly around his belly. Brushing and blowdrying his hair in just under ten minutes, a wave of sudden, out of the blue dizziness almost making him lose his balance, hating the way his hand naturally came to rest protectively over his belly as he did so.

 

Pulling on a pair of sweats and an oversized sweater before jumping back under the covers, not at all seeing how those cheery mothers on the covers of numerous pregnancy guides did it, sending mad props to all those who somehow managed to raise their other offspring at the same time. His plans of actually getting shit done today completely scrapped. Finding staying cooped up in bed to be much more appropriate—already half asleep by the time his head hit the pillow.

 

His last (mostly) coherent thought being a reminder that he only had six more months of this shit left to endure.

 

```

 

_The salty sea breeze ruffles Jun's raven hair as he simply stands there, watching the waves crash against the jagged rocks winding up around the shore, a smile tugging on his lips as a crab scuttles by, its shell a swirl of orange and beige against the tanned sand beneath his bare feet. The sound of seagulls squawking up above in the clear blue sky catching his attention, their black tipped wings fluttering against the cotton floss clouds, reminding him of the crisply folded paper airplanes from a washed out memory of the past, of nights spent chasing after fireflies, teal tinted mason jars glowing faintly well into dew spiked mornings, children's giggles sounding from inside messily built pillow forts, flashlights bobbing about like autumn lit lanterns drifting up to an unknown heaven. Fingers numbed a pale lilac from the coldness of the shaved ice cup he's holding, the sugary sweet cherry syrup dribbling down over the sides and onto his hands, the colored dye staining his skin like the strawberry jelly he and his brother would sample at the local supermarket on muggy August days, their chins and cheeks sticky as they happily skipped home. Vibrant tall grass tickling their shins as they chased after each other, pink and purple thistles sticking to their rolled up overall pant legs, the fabric faded from numerous washes, as it seemed the two were always splashing about in mud puddles. Their fire engine red rain boots squishing nosily with each step as they ran about the house, laughter bouncing off the white walls as they tracked in the mess, muddy footprints and handprints nearly everywhere._

 

_It's a memory that makes his stomach sink, furiously blinking away his tears, the sun turning his cheeks flush and rosy, the bridge of his nose sure to have a nasty sunburn tomorrow. But for some reason, it really just doesn't matter._

 

_"Bàba?" A children's voice calls, tugging irritably, snapping Jun out of his trance, dazedly looking around for the child who calls him father, mouth dry and blood roaring in his ears._

 

_"M-"_

 

Jun bolts upright in a cold sweat, knocking Jihoon off the bed as his hands fly to his belly, relieved to find it still relatively flat, but most definitely pregnant by the gentle firmness to it. His mind a whirlwind of thoughts as he fruitlessly attempts to process what in the hell just happened, bile rising in his throat as he thinks about the tiny hand that had been pulling impatiently on his shorts, of the little fingers curled into the sunblock smelling denim. The flash of bouncing pigtails tied with peach colored ribbons he managed to catch a glimpse of burned into his soul, an uncomfortable sense of knowing pooling deep in his stomach. Knowing that sits far too heavily on his shoulders, but he figures he can put that off until he's ready to face the music. So he groans and lays back down with a thump, pulling on a few strands of his hair.

 

"What. The. Actual. Fuck?!" Jihoon seethes quietly, pushing himself up from the ground, the left side of his cheek already forming a bruise. Jun squeaking out a meek apology, scooting over for the younger, making space in the cramped bed. Jihoon grumbling as he climbs back in, curling up into the older's side with a soft sigh, hands slipping to rest just above Jun's navel, and it's almost done with love, keyword _almost_.

 

And in truth, the action has Jun just wanting to cry.

 

```

 

_"I'm pregnant." Jun states, watching as Minghao just continues sipping his oolong tea, unbothered and chill, only raising an eyebrow when he catches Jun staring._

 

_"What?" He asks with a casual shrug, his phone lighting up with a text, about to answer it when Jun snatches it away._

 

_"Hey, give that back-"_

 

_"I'm telling you I'm pregnant and you respond with this shit?!" Jun half-shouts exasperatedly, wanting nothing more than to wipe off the younger's shit eating grin he's currently face to face with._

 

_"I mean, it was only a matter of time," Skillfully dodging the slap thrown his way, "Geez I was only joking!"_

 

_"Fuck you!"_

 

_"No thanks sweetheart. But in all seriousness, who the fuck is your baby daddy?" Minghao asks, taking the lid off his drink, using the stirrer to impale the blackberries at the bottom, before fucking swallowing them whole._

 

_Jun visibly pales at the question, setting his buttered croissant down glumly. Minghao instantly picking up on the older's shift in mood, reaching an arm across the table, intertwining their hands together._

 

_"Hey, I'm sorry, I went too far didn't I? You don't have to tell me shit-"_

 

_"It's Soonyoung's. Or Wonwoo's. Possibly Jihoon's." The words rushing out before Jun can stop them, cheeks heating up from shame. And yep, there are those tears that always seem to follow him wherever he fucking goes. His vision blurring, rapidly blinking just to focus on the fuzzy outline of his friend._

 

_"Oh," Minghao actually stunned into silence, any sort of reply just not coming. Jun wanting to find it funny, as Minghao was known for always having a sharp comeback no matter what—but unable too, the atmosphere just feeling so incredibly wrong._

 

_"Yeah, I know..." Jun mumbles, "Sure is something isn't it?" A bitter laugh spilling past his lips, perhaps voluntary, perhaps not._

 

_"Jun..."_

 

_"I mean me? A pathetic, needy, faggot-"_

 

_"Stop it Junhui! Stop stop stop! You're none of that, the words you're speaking are nothing but lies..." Minghao sadly whispers, giving Jun's hand a gentle squeeze, wishing he could take away the older boy's self-hatred with a snap of his fingers._

 

_"Sorry about that Minghao, I-I have to go," Ripping his hand out of Minghao's, running off before Minghao even has a chance to stop him, practically gone in the blink of an eye._

 

_All in all, really just leaving Minghao with more questions than answers._

 

```

 

"I've made up my mind." Jun calmly states as they're all cuddled up together on the couch, some crappy drama playing in the background, the other three turning to the oldest with various expressions of confusion.

 

"On what?" Soonyoung asks, pausing the program, tossing the remote onto the coffee table with a clang, Jihoon scowling at the chipper boy.

 

"I'm keeping the baby." Jun's voice unwavering, gaze on his lap holding firm, despite being painfully aware of everyone else's eyes on him.

 

"I thought you already were though?" Soonyoung wonders aloud, cheeks flushing pink when he realizes what he just said, squirming under Wonwoo's amused grin, Jihoon snorting softly.

 

"Let me finish please, I still have more to say." Jun goes on, fiddling with his fingers nervously, "I'm having this baby and I no longer care if you choose to help or not." Despite knowing full well that these last six months would be actual hell without their support. But whatever, he'd be fine, it's nothing he can't handle. And besides, it'd probably be for the best anyway.

 

"Okay, that's fine with me." Wonwoo replies, before starting the show up once again, though anyone could tell his attention was elsewhere. Jihoon offering Jun a weak smile, choosing to remain silent on the issue until he found the right time to talk with the older. Soonyoung simply taking Jun's hand in his, but other than that, keeping low.

 

And as of now, though tomorrow is uncertain, Jun quite honestly doesn't care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i was considering who the father would be and idek at this point  
> do u guys have a preference?
> 
> sorry if y'all expected them to have worked out their messy emotions in this chapter but that's just not how life works, so it'll probably take awhile for these boys too
> 
> next chapter: relationship status: taken (it's fine, this is fine-jun)  
> ↑  
> i love to stir the pot ;)
> 
>  A L S O (ஐ╹◡╹)ノ!!!  
> pls let me know if there's anything u want to see from this fic!!! like i really love to hear from you guys!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been gone for more than two months, but i really needed to focus on taking care of both my mental and physical health  
> however i'm still very sorry for being so inactive (◞ ‸ ◟ㆀ)
> 
> anyways, there have been some major tag updates!!! (where's the use of the eyes emoji when you actually need it...)

"You look so pretty Jihoonie~!" Jun happily chirps over a forced breakfast, Wonwoo watching him like a fucking hawk as the older shovels spoonful after spoonful of high calorie, extra sugary cereal into his mouth, gagging briefly before finally managing to swallow his bite. The entire household stocking up on extremely fatty foods after last week's checkup, the doctor voicing his growing concern when he saw the numbers on the scale had gone down yet again, lecturing the four on the dangers of Jun failing to put on weight during his pregnancy, saying that the child could possibly be born premature and face some serious health issues at birth if the Chinese male didn't put on at _least_ a solid thirty to forty pounds throughout the course of gestation.

 

Of course this news was met with Soonyoung's mad rush of scrambled words, firing question after question at the poor man, his cheeks burning bright red as he chattered away, Jihoon gently squeezing the silver haired's hand to help calm him down, though his own face was soured with rather obvious concern as well. While Wonwoo simply stares intensely at Jun, chewing on his lower lip as he does so, finally laying a hand on the pregnant male's thigh when he sees him start to shift nervously on the examination table, the waxy paper crinkling beneath him, his gaze guiltily glued to the checkered flooring of the room, knees knocking together as he fidgets uneasily.

 

Simply nodding as the doctor's words fall upon deaf ears, Jun pulling at his locks to keep the tears at bay, blinking rapidly as his vision begins to blur, eyes fogged with an oh so familiar saltiness that he never seems to be able to escape. Muttering a small ' _Thank you_ ' on the way out of the clinic, the meal plans the doctor prepared for him clutched tightly in his curled fists, Wonwoo's gentle hold on his shoulder doing very little in terms of comforting him, being sure to keep his eyes trained on the shit freckled asphalt below so he wouldn't have to see Soonyoung's crestfallen expression, with Jihoon's pitying one being just, if not more, as bad.

 

_And while none of this was Jun's fault per say, as he really wasn't the one to blame for the severe morning sickness that plagued him on and off throughout the day for the past two months or so, it still felt like it was._

 

"Yeah!" Soonyoung chimes in, his eyes curved into his signature half moons, cheeks squished up cutely, "What's the occasion?" His voice light and teasing, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that has Wonwoo snorting as he looks up from his 3DS, circular glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose, to which he pushes back up with his middle finger.

 

Jihoon visibly grimacing at the sudden and unexpected attention as he stands on his tiptoes, only slightly struggling as he reaches for the tin of oatmeal packets, quickly waving off Jun's offer to help with a huff when the taller attempts to rise from his seat, who whines as he has no other choice than but to go back to his soggy cinnamon toast crunch.

 

"I'm going on a date at ten," He deadpans, unscrewing the container and pulling one of the bags out, ripping the corner open in silence as everyone just gapes at him, shock written all over their faces.

 

" _Oh_."

 

```

 

Not long after breakfast is all said and done, Jihoon heads off, quickly emptying his half-eaten bowl of blueberry topped mush, promptly ignoring Soonyoung's squawk of protest, the ashen haired going off about wasting shit and whatnot. While Wonwoo was once again engrossed in his game, long fingers mashing at buttons repeatedly, his glass of apple juice sitting untouched on the table next to him.

 

"I'm gonna go take a nap," Jun abruptly announces, his chair squeaking as he gets up, hurt seeping into his soft spoken voice, hands trembling as he reaches for his bowl.

 

"Did you finish your food?" The question being one that's usually met with an irritated snap, but all Wonwoo gets this time is a small, meek ' _yes_ ' as Jun starts walking to the sink to pour out the leftover almond milk, the Chinese male pausing before raising the bowl to his lips and drinking it instead.

 

Soonyoung frowning as he watches the older move about, Jun's huge hoodie making any signs of a baby bump unable to be detected, as it was something the younger knew Jun had shame in, like the physical evidence of his supposed "fuck up" made the situation all the more real. And while Soonyoung never flat out said anything about Jun's insecurities, he'd always make sure to place a hand over the tiny swell when they cuddled up together, smiling like an idiot when Jun would shyly place his hands atop his own.

 

"We'll wake you up when it's time for lunch, okay?"

 

"Sure." Is the mumbled reply they get in return.

 

```

 

The logical, perfectly rational part of Jun's mind _does_ indeed know that it's honestly quite dumb to be stuck up on Jihoon's love life, but he _is_. And Jun hates it, oh how he hates it. Because Jihoon _isn't_ his, he _never_ has been nor will he ever,  _ever_ be his.

 

 _Ouch_ , admitting that is actually somewhat painful, like his heart was ripped in two. Or something along those lines that was just as cheesy. Whatever, Jun doesn't care. ( _Not fucking true..._ )

 

Holding his kitty plushie close to his chest as he rolls over in the bed, mindful of his tummy as he does so, exasperatedly blowing his fringe out of his eyes with a huff, the fan's cool breeze unexpectedly nice on his warmed cheeks. His eyes starting to droop tiredly as he breathes in the comforting scent of Jihoon, a mix of the pouty lipped's strawberry shampoo and his natural hint of spice, a smell that was completely unique to him, one that Jun adored.

 

And for a while, everything is fine.

 

```

 

_He's wandering through a field of sunflowers, the sky is a hazy swirl of pink, orange, and pale purple, like washed out linens hanging on a clothesline, the summer air holding a crisp freshness to it, Jun outstretching a hand to brush at the wide, yellow petals, but before he has the chance to, the scene crumbles away in a heavy gust of wind, rather effectively rustling his hair in all directions._

 

_And as there's very little time for him to feel much of anything emotion wise, he just lets everything happen as it is, with the seemingly random snapshots rapidly flipping past one another having him screwing his eyes shut, before finally landing on what appeared to be an overly lit hospital hallway, Jun's eyes widening as he sees Wonwoo sitting on one of the conveniently placed benches, a bag of potato chips in his hand, dark circles under his eyes too. The younger placing his snack aside when his phone buzzes beside him, being quick to pick it up and slide his thumb across the chat box, slender fingers typing out a response in record time, eyebrows furrowed in what Jun recognizes as concern, worrying him greatly._

 

_But he's helpless to do anything, as his feet are glued firmly in place, watching Wonwoo jump from his seat when the younger's familiar ringtone dings loudly, echoing off of the walls sharply, desperately wanting nothing more than to reach out a hand to the other boy when he races past him in a panic, his cheeks feverish and so unlike the Wonwoo he's used to. But before he can even form the sentences on his tongue, the scene is once again changing, and Jun's falling down, going deeper and deeper as his stomach continues to plummet completely in tune, with a bright light peeping out from behind smudges of dark gray and blue, a slight fuzziness fading in and out until it disperses and he's left upright once again. Only this time he's standing in their shared apartment, with the floral themed curtains drawn up, a bouquet of wilting tiger lilies sat on the old, wooden coffee table._

 

_And it just feels so right that Jun almost doesn't react to the wailings of a newborn coming from what used to be their bedroom, but when he does realize what he's hearing, he wants to run, but he just can't figure out how to, like his body simply won't allow him go forward. But he really wants to, he really does..._

 

_"It's your to turn to get her Hoonie," He hears Soonyoung murmur, Wonwoo grunting as Jihoon clambers over him to reach the crib placed at the foot of the bed, the whiny mewls slowly quieting down to sniffles as he picks the infant up and cradles them to his chest. Jun's heart clenching as he has no other choice but to listen in from where he's stuck, his legs frozen._

 

_"Shhh, it's okay baby, I'm here," The tiny male soothes, the gentleness in his voice stirring something deep inside Jun's gut, his limbs suddenly kicking back into action, hastily speed walking into the room, observing how Jihoon handles the little one with such tender loving care, softly rocking them as he hums a tune that Jun swears he's familiar with. Almost laughing when he sees the younger's nose wrinkle as the child starts to act up again, tiny curled fists batting at Jihoon's face, to which he simply nuzzles at the tiny babe's cheek, smiling a smile that has Jun wanting to fucking explode. Or cry. Same difference anyways._

 

_"You're so silly sweetheart~" Jihoon croons, shifting the now calm baby in his arms, Jun almost sort of wishing he too could hold the impossibly tiny child who's burbling in the other's grasp, doe eyes unfocused as they lean their head on Jihoon's shoulder, dark curls poking up every which way._

 

_"Huh, that's odd," The shorter mumbles as he begins to turn to face the direction Jun's in, expression utterly confused, "What's got you so quiet M-"_

 

And once again Jun's bolting upright so fast that he hears (and feels) something pop, his forehead clammy and his tummy churning, the sounds of pots and pans clanging noisily from outside the bedroom door, groaning when he glances at the digital clock, which reads 11:59 AM, meaning he probably should get up lest he wants Soonyoung shaking him awake way too hard for his liking.

 

But please just give him another five minutes.

 

```

 

"Stop squirming dumbass," Wonwoo gripes as Soonyoung turns his cheek, the gray haired older floundering about as the taller attempts to wipe what appears to be whipped cream off of his nose, a plate of dipped strawberries proving to be the culprit for said mess.

 

"Just lick it off me Nonu~" He whines, swatting Wonwoo's hands away, only to flush the same shade of the berries when he processes what he's just said, giving Wonwoo the perfect opportunity to clean the other's face, though his own faint blush is very visible to the both of them.

 

"O-ohh..uh...um," Soonyoung stutters awkwardly, which only helps to increase the overall awkward meter overall, edging further and further back until he hits the counter with a thud, Wonwoo dumbly standing there, even as the microwave starts to beep, Soonyoung quick to busy himself in pulling Jun's soup out, grabbing a spoon and plopping it in just as Jun sleepily trudges into the kitchen wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and boxers.

 

"Just gonna grab my food and leave," He mutters as he side-eyes the pair, their weirdness simply too much for him to deal with today, Soonyoung clumsily handing the mug over to the Chinese male, who takes it and starts to sneakily scamper off before Wonwoo snaps out of whatever fucking trance he was in and stops him with a rather comical yank.

 

"No eating in the bedroom!"

 

```

 

_"Hey Hoonie?" Jun whispers, head lolled back as he spins around and around in Soonyoung's cheap rolling chair, a bag of family sized doritos in his lap, rubbing at his nose._

 

_"Yeah?" The blonde murmurs, setting his book down on the desk, fingers toying with the uneven lampshade, his mind obviously elsewhere._

 

_"Do you love me?" Said question taking Jihoon aback, eyes narrowing as he mulls over what should and shouldn't be used in his reply, sticking his lip out as the silence stretches on._

 

_"Never mind, you don't have to answer me-" Jun starts to babble, hands waving about as he looks anywhere but at Jihoon himself._

 

_"Yes," His response coming out without any hint of detectable hesitancy, expression showing no signs of lying._

 

_"Like as a friend? Or..." Trailing off softly, the rest of the sentence hanging limply in the air, the apples of his cheeks dusted._

 

_"I don't know Junhui." And while it's not a definite answer, it's better than nothing. So that's progress Jun supposes._

 

_"Okay." He says, hoping his voice isn't too bitter sounding, drawing his legs up underneath him._

 

_(But it doesn't feel okay.)_

 

```

 

“Jihoonie’s back~” Soonyoung squeals as he flounces to the door in a skip, jumping up and down in excitement as he hears footsteps leading up the stairs.

 

Wonwoo placing a finger to his lips as he gestures to the sleeping Jun cuddled against his chest, the older burying his face further into the younger with a purr.

 

Only for his words to be completely disregarded as the door handle begins to violently jiggle, Jun grunting as he starts to sit up upon hearing the noise, Wonwoo keeping him somewhat decent as he pries the other’s fingers away from the blanket bunched around his lower waist, ignoring the quizzical look he receives in return.

 

"Ignore them please," Jihoon drawls when Soonyoung tries to hug him, kicking the taller to the side as he holds the door open for someone behind him, Jun sleepily watching as the pair shuffle inside, ignoring the way his heart aches when he sees that they're holding hands.

 

"Guys, meet Seokmin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well the relationship that absolutely destroys jun still hasn't made its appearance yet, but soon...v e r y soon...*hint hint*  
> (i'm living for softie jihoon ngl)
> 
> hopefully the pairings aren't too terribly confusing lol (⌬̀⌄⌬́)  
> they'll make much more sense as the story continues to progress~
> 
> and yes, the cryptic dreams are indeed foreshadowing Σ(;Φ ω Φ)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, worm? an update???
> 
> sorry for the wait, life's been hectic, but hopefully i'll be able to start regularly updating now that i have a better grasp on everything
> 
> !!!tags have been added!!!

Let’s be real, if Jun currently _wasn't_ a vessel for one of his best friend’s fucking kid, he would've most likely drunk himself into a blissful state of unconsciousness by now. And since that’s not an available option at the moment, he’ll just have to make due with a tub full of Wonwoo’s horrid low-fat frozen yoghurt instead, it’s blandness so unsatisfying it actually hurts to eat it, Jun silently mourning Wonwoo’s fucked tastebuds in true meme fashion.

 

But first he'll have to sit through an incredibly awkward talk with Jihoon's new boy toy. And no, Jun isn't _bitter_ , he's just stating the facts. Because so what if this Seokmin guy managed to do the fucking impossible and win over Jihoon's heart? Jun could've done the same just as— _if not more_ —easily, he thinks sourly, suddenly aware of the silence replacing the once chattery ramblings of the younger man, his mind flatlining as he desperately tries to string together whatever the hell Seokmin had been going on about, but to no avail.

 

" _Pardon?_ " He's finally forced to ask, cheeks heating up when Seokmin laughs, simply waving him off with an understanding smile. Which honestly ticks the older off more than it should, jealously never have suited him well.

 

"So how do you know Hoonie?" Seokmin repeats all too patiently, his voice doing next to nothing in terms of overpowering the failed whispers of his friends/fuck buddies. A spark of anger (it's the mood swings, okay? He's normally better than this, promise.) flaring up when Jun begins to imagine what's being discussed, _discussed without his presence._

 

"Jun?" Seokmin questions with a hint of worry when the Chinese male doesn't reply, frowning as he sees the older's clear as day scowl.

 

"Sorry," He murmurs, his adam's apple bobbing as looks down at his hands, an overall feeling of hesitancy gnawing at his bones. "We met at one of—" Jun pauses for a second, wracking his brain for the name of the manga loving guy who he used to sit next to in his boring as hell architectural history class. " _Yuto's_ parties," He finally responds, though his words come out sounding more so like a question rather than an answer.

 

"Jihoonie willingly going to a party?" The bluenette jokes with grin, Jun observing the way his eyes curve just as Soonyoung's do, a startling realization sucker punching him in the gut, a realization that Jun really fucking hopes is just him reading too much into everything.

 

 _I can see why Jihoon fell for him_ , Jun muses as Seokmin dives into yet another story of his puppy Coco escaping into the neighboring apartment and the chaos that ensued, his expressive hand gestures making the older giggle, though he's still reluctant all the same.

 

 _But I still can't help but wish it was me,_ Jun wants to cry out, but he doesn't dare, _no_ , he would _never_ dare, because Seokmin and Jihoon deserve this happiness, not Jun, _never Jun._

 

_```_

 

"Can you pass the tteok-bokki?" Jihoon asks over dinner later that evening, his brows furrowed as he scrolls through his phone, tension hanging heavy in the air. Soonyoung and Wonwoo sharing a glance before turning to Jun, who was the closest one to the dish.

 

The oldest having made no indication of having picked up on the que, as he just kept stuffing spoonful after spoonful of rice into his mouth, both Soonyoung and Wonwoo mildly concerned that he might actually choke heed he keep doing so.

 

"I _said_ can you pass the tteok-bokki?" Jihoon's rather obvious irritation detectable in his tone of voice, the smallest looking up from his screen to glower at all three of his flatmates, Soonyoung nudging Jun's leg under the table, praying he'll take the hint.

 

 _"I don't know, can I?"_ Jun mutters almost angrily under his breath, before setting his chopsticks down and grabbing the container, thrusting it into the younger's face with an annoyed huff.

 

"Junhui!" Wonwoo hisses, ready to scold the Chinese male on the spot, but Jun's having none of it, rising to his feet as he ignores Soonyoung's choked squawk.

 

"That's it, I've had _enough,_ " He says in what he hopes to be an attitude of indifference, his facial expression only vaguely wounded as he fights to keep himself steadied, to not let them see just how much they've hurt him, "I'm leaving." And before the three have a chance to object, Jun's already out the door within a matter of seconds.

 

```

 

_"Jun, please come out." Minghao softly pleads, leaning against the older's door with a frown, the muffled sobs of his best friend audible with just how quiet the rest of the house is, his protectiveness over the older wanting nothing more than to scoop the taller into his arms, to let him know that everything was going to be just fine._

 

_"G-Go away Hao!" Jun chokes out in response, his words shaky as his chest heaves, a waste bin clutched in arms just in case he were to vomit from the strain placed on his body, his emotions always having tended to effect him not only mentally, but also physically as well._

 

_Minghao sighs, "Please just open the door Junnie," Hearing said male sniffle as he shuffles about the room, the click of the doorknob unlocking immediately lifting a weight from the younger's shoulders._

 

_"It's open," And that whisper is the only confirmation Minghao needs to hear, wasting no time in swinging the door open and pulling Junhui into a tight hug, Jun's tears still visible on his cheeks as he goes to bury himself into the crook of Minghao's neck as he struggles to calm his breathing, a self-soothing method of his that never failed to work. Minghao gently rubbing a hand across his lower back as they embrace, Jun's soft hiccuping tearing at his heartstrings, cursing whoever made his Junnie cry._

 

_"You're okay, I've got you," He murmurs, "Now can you tell me what's wrong?" Feeling Jun stiffen in his arms as he asks, his hand movements momentarily stopping as he waits to see if he's accidentally pushed the older too far._

 

_"He broke up with me," Jun finally answers after much hesitance, "He said I was too clingy...Am I too clingy? I mean I tried so hard this time, I tried not to scare him away-" His rambling cut off by Minghao's low shushing._

 

_"Who? Who said you were too clingy?" Because as far as Minghao knew, he hadn't the faintest idea of his friend being interested in someone, let alone Jun even being in a relationship for that matter._

 

_"Mingming," Jun manages to say in between his hiccups, which had started up again thanks to his panicking, "Mingming broke up with me." His confession both angering and startling Minghao, but he remains quiet, silently urging for the older to continue._

 

_"I loved him Hao, but he didn't love me," The words ironically mirroring Minghao's own feelings towards a certain someone, "Why? Am I that hard to love?" The end of Jun's sentence more so spoken to himself rather than to Minghao, though he still finds himself answering anyways._

 

_"No, you're not." He mutters, "Mingming's just a fucking asshole," Which is true, Mingming is a complete and utter douche, known around school for leading people on just so that he can get into their pants, so it baffles Minghao that Jun even considered the guy in the first place._

 

_"I just thought that if tried hard to please him, that if did as he told me to, he might like me for me," Jun whispers, "And not just for my body." Minghao sucking in a sharp gasp at that, praying to whatever the hell was out there that it wasn't what Jun was implying it to be, that he was just overthinking._

 

_"But I was wrong," His voice sounding so worn that it actually hurts Minghao to listen to, "I-" Breaking down once more in Minghao's hold, his body quivering as he cried, Minghao pretending he didn't feel the way the older would flinch back at his touches._

 

_"I've got you, you're safe now," Minghao repeating the phrase once more, "I won't let him hurt you, I promise."_

 

```

 

"Shouldn't we go after him?" Soonyoung nervously pipes up, the thick silence that had washed over the trio breaking as he fidgets in his chair, Wonwoo looking to Jihoon as he shrugs, unsure of how to appropriately respond to such a situation.

 

"He probably doesn't want to see us," Jihoon replies briskly, his eyes still glued to his phone, which makes Soonyoung seriously want to punch the younger square in the jaw, as it was pretty fucking obvious he didn't fucking care if anything were to happen to Junhui.

 

"You don't know that!" He snaps, Jihoon's face flushing angrily, his fist slamming his phone down on the table with a cruel snort, Wonwoo jumping at the noise.

 

"Oh yeah?! I happen to know a hell of a lot more than you do!" Jihoon spits, "You do know he's hurting because of you and Wonwoo, don't you?" The guilty expression that Soonyoung's wearing answering that question for itself, "That's what I thought." Soonyoung left spluttering as he rushes to defend himself, though even he knows he's got nothing worthy of saving at this point.

 

"And don't you dare pretend that you and him aren't interested in each other, we weren't born yesterday," Jihoon continues, "Don't you fucking _dare._ "

```

 

_"You're so pretty Junnie," He purrs, swiping his thumb across Jun's glossy lips, the older's eyes welling with tears at the touch, sticky bile rising in his throat as he forces himself to stay perfectly still, knowing full well of the consequences that would surely follow if he were to move even a single hair out of place._

 

_'He's doing this because he loves you, he's only doing this because he knows that it's what's best for you, he's doing this out of love.' Jun tries to reassure himself as he shuts his eyes, breathing in a shuddery breath as he waits, heart beating so fast he's sure it'll burst._

 

_"Keep your eyes open," He tuts in disapproval, Junhui's blood running cold as he immediately opens them once again, offering no resistance as his chin is tilted upwards, fingernails digging into his soft skin, which leaves him suppressing a wince._

 

_"Good boy-" The rest of his words never coming as Jun suddenly finds himself being shaken awake, Minghao's face painted with worry as he holds onto his hyung. The younger exhaling in relief as Jun sits up, said male noticing how his nightshirt clings to his sweaty body, to which he yanks it over his head and tosses it to the floor_

 

_"Hao?" He asks as he runs a hand through his damp locks, his voice hoarse with sleep, "What happened?" Smacking his lips to hopefully rid himself of the gross dryness he's currently experiencing, his nose wrinkling._

 

_"You were crying out in your sleep," Minghao says in a whisper, hands curling into the plush comforter, Jun frowning at the news._

 

_"It's nothing," He says after a beat or two of silence, "I'm used to it," Flopping back down onto the mattress, Minghao yelping as he's pulled down as well._

 

_"But-"_

 

_"I'm fine Hao," A bitter smile on his face, "I promise."_

 

```

 

"Look, I'm sorry-" Soonyoung starts, right as Jihoon's phone begins to go off, the youngest pouting as he picks it up, his shock very poorly disguised as he reads the caller ID, Wonwoo arching a brow in confusion, the poor thing honestly so fucking lost at this point.

 

"Who is it?" He asks softly, but both Soonyoung and Jihoon hold up a finger to silence him as Jihoon answers, turning to them as he mouths _"Seungcheol,"_ Wonwoo watching as the color drains out of Jihoon's already pale face, Soonyoung craning to pick up on bits and pieces of the conversation going on at the other end of the line. Jihoon's only responses consisting of  _"yes"_ and  _"no"_ as he nods his head.

 

"It's Jun," Jihoon says, turning his mouth away from the phone as he speaks, "Seungcheol's currently with him at the hospital."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (╥_╥) it really do be like that sometimes...
> 
> next chapter: ER visits at god knows what hour are never fun—and they're most definitely never a good thing either (a.k.a. in which everyone cries at some point or another)

**Author's Note:**

> this will be a series if enough people wanna see more of ‘96 line being shit at feelings
> 
> anyways, i tried my best to portray their awkwardness of their situation the best i could  
> i just hope i made it realistic enough ;-;


End file.
